Following the Ontario government announcement of plans to legislate Cap and Trade for carbon offsets the North Pole announced today that Santa Claus was considering a similar program.
Despite the fact that these programs may not work Santa might go ahead anyway.
“Something has to be done to reduce all this naughtiness by little boys and girls.” Santa says. The traditional method of no gifts for bad children wasn’t working any longer. Just as easily as governments tossed aside Kyoto protocols young children stopped believing that they would face a bleak Christmas if they were bad. Just like governments made excuses for “Big Oil” parents refused to let Santa know how bad “Little Johnny” or “Little Susie” really was.
Rather than demand an end to pollution politicians let you buy your way out of controls with taxpayer dollars. Santa wants in on the action. He’s going to auction off “Badness Credits”. That way children who are extra naughty can pay other good, responsible children to take the fall for them. And Santa is going global. He’s joining with Father Christmas, Pere Noel, Saint Nicolas, Pai Natal and all the others to make swapping “Badness Credits” available all over the planet.
They know that it won’t work as well as actually demanding that children be good. Just like politicians know that actually stopping pollution would be good for the planet but bad for the economy Santa knows that not giving gifts to naughty kids will make them into better adults but be hard on parents.
But this way at least it will look like something is being done! And it’ll probably do just as much good.